First day back to work…blah…that’s all I have to say about that.
Tomorrow I have to take my car in to have some work done that can’t be put off. This will make me late for work and further empty my wallet. So sad…
Today, a friend sent me an article about coping of the loss of a parent. In it, it says there are 5 steps to grieving:
Shock and denial
Bargaining and guilt
Do I have to follow these steps? Cause I think I skipped right over denial; I’m between shock & anger right now. I’ve yelled at my father twice. The first time was after the Christmas Eve church service, the second was last night after he plugged in something which caused some other electrical thing to not work properly [insert electrician talk here]. Yes, I’m a horrible person.
The article included 10 tips on how to cope:
~ Give yourself permission to grieve in your own way. [check]
~ Let others in your family grieve in their own way, too. [check]
~ Express your feelings about your loss. [uh...having a problem with this one.]
~ Be honest with children about your sadness. [not applicable]
~ Take care of your health. [um...having a problem with this one, too]
~ Keep in touch with people who know how much your parent meant to you. [I don't think this applies to me]
~ Honor your beliefs. [um...ok]
~ Let your manager know what happened. [like he cares]
~ Cherish your memories of your parent. [check]
~ Join an informal support group. [for a fee]
~ Look into grief counseling if the strain becomes unmanageable. [I don't think so]
Really, all I want to do is withdraw. I don’t have the energy to be the friend my friends want me to be, and the nature of my friendships is such that if I can’t be there for them, then they don’t know what to make of this development–it changes the dynamic of the relationship (me listening to their various problems) and they just kind of don’t know what to do. It’s hard to comfort someone who seems to not need it and, for me, it’s easy to fall into the role of seeming to be that kind of person.
If Death is Kind
Perhaps if death is kind, and there can be returning,
We will come back to earth some fragrant night,
And take these lanes to find the sea, and bending
Breathe the same honeysuckle, low and white.
We will come down at night to these resounding beaches
And the long gentle thunder of the sea,
Here for a single hour in the wide starlight
We shall be happy, for the dead are free.