The perils of growing old
Here’s my horoscope for today:
On one hand someone may come into your life now offering you a very sensible resolution to a complex problem. On the other hand, you might find it impossible to take the assistance, for there is something missing from the proposal. Your challenge today is to figure out a way to graciously accept the help, even if it’s only a partial answer to your prayers. Remember, your flexibility can make all the difference in the world.
What are my prayers? For Dad to get better, for him not to have to live in a nursing home, for someone to come and stay with him during the day so I can work. Remember I said “knock on wood” after his doctor appointment last Wednesday? Apparently, I didn’t knock hard enough, as he ended back up in the hospital last Friday. Diagnosis: UTI. They released him yesterday and in no way, shape or form was he ready. The man can barely walk. He slept for 4 hours in his recliner yesterday afternoon, didn’t want to eat (I made him eat 2 pieces of toast with peanut butter and jelly) and went to bed where he couldn’t even straighten himself out. Today my brother came over and stayed with him so I could go to work. We had calls in to his doctor, the case manager from the hospital, the discharge coordinator at the hospital, the VNA and his physical therapist. No. one. has. come. to. help. WTF!!! There has got to be something that can be done. The doctor told us last Wednesday that no health care proxy was needed; found out today that’s not true. The discharge coordinator at the hospital asked Dad if he wanted to go to Rehab, he refused. No. one. told. us. that. DOES HE LOOK LIKE HE CAN FUNCTION ALONE, YOU IDIOTS??? When I went to pick him up at the hospital, he couldn’t even SIT UP. When I pointed this out to the nurse, she said, oh we’ll help him up. All well and good, but are you going to follow me home and do it every day?
So I’m going to work from home for a bit, til things get straightened out.
Sorry for the rant. Just had to get it out.
Something needs to be done for our elderly. Someone needs to step up and HELP.
Posted in rantin' and ravin' | 28 Comments
June 11th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
You don’t need to apologize for the rant! It’s how you feel, it’s what’s going on with you, it’s real. Thank you for sharing that.
First of all, your dad is one of the fortunate ones to even have you and your brother. But I agree, the care for the eldery just plain sucks. How can they dismiss someone from the hospital in that condition? In my book, that’s medical negligence.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your dad.
June 11th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
Ugh. I’m so sorry to hear all that- I can empathize. Do you have medical power of attorney for him? Don’t know his insurance/income status, but there is some info here that may help: http://www.massresources.org/massachusetts_elder_care_d.html. This one may help too: http://home.earthlink.net/~christopher.jenkins/
Of course, feel free to ignore my responding to venting like a man, and just take a virtual hug.
June 11th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
((hug))
Nothing’s worse than a sick parent. Have you considered an acupuncturist? They usually make house calls and are very helpful with pain and UTIs. I don’t know any in your area but I bet someone does.
I’m just very sorry you have to go through this.
June 11th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
I am so sorry to hear that so much is going on with your dad and so little help is being offered by the professionals. Your dad is lucky to have you. Hang in there and let me know what you need.
June 11th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Boy, do I know where you are coming from! I go through this all the time with Mother! I am fortunate that I have help – You should be able to get some help in your home…But, I had to quit work 10 years ago when she had three strokes in a row and we were told that she had to be supervised 24/7…there are no easy answers and the government treats you like crap – and treats them even worse…
June 11th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Oh Sweetie, I am so sorry. I am having a hard time even thinking about this. Your Dad is someone very special to me, and this rapid decline of his is so unfair. Hugs for him and big hugs for you!!!!
June 11th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
oh hon. i’m so sorry you and your family are going through this.
hugs….
June 11th, 2008 at 6:16 pm
I just want to say I empathize as my husband and I are in a similar situation with his mom.
Will keep ya in my prayers, girlfriend.
June 11th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
that’s terrible with the lack of help. Your poor dad…and you too! Please keep me posted…you know you and your dad are always in my thoughts. Let me know if you need anything, even if it’s to rant…that’s okay too.
June 11th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
We got the news today from Dad’s doctor that he will shortly need to be in a Nursing home. He is declining and Mom can’t manage his care at home even with the help they are getting. I can’t lift him or do any more than she can. It is heartbreaking. We’ll get through the Anniversary party and then start the next process.
It all really stinks. I know how you are feeling. I am so sorry to hear that your Dad is not doing well. All of this makes me so sad.
June 11th, 2008 at 7:47 pm
Rant all you want. What are blogs for?
I wish I had some ideas for you. Will his insurance cover visiting nurses? What about local senior centers, they might have info with contacts.
There are a handful of local nursing homes that offer “daycare” for the elderly, although I don’t think they’d take someone sick. Might be worth checking into?
The other thing, maybe the AARP website might have a local contact whom you could talk to for help? Just a thought.
I feel for you, Janet. This must be driving you crazy.
Hang in there and big hugs!!!
June 11th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
This kind of thing absolutely infuriates me on so many levels and for so many reasons, but you are already on that same page, so I’ll just send good wishes and hope that things work out better than so far. My thoughts are with you and your dad.
June 11th, 2008 at 8:32 pm
I don’t know if I got moderated or if it ate my comment, but my thoughts are very much with you just in case my other comment didn’t make it.
June 11th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
You are in a really tough spot. I hope you get the help you need.
June 11th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
Hey girly girl. I’m here for you – half an hour away whenever you need me. And even when you think you don’t. Anytime, you hear! My thoughts and the magic wand are thinking good thoughts for you and your dad. Love ya!
June 11th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
I am so sorry for what Dad (and therefore you) are dealing with right now. I hope that things work out soon so that he gets the care he needs and you the support you need
June 11th, 2008 at 11:10 pm
I am really sorry to hear that your dad is so sick. I will keep my fingers crossed, that you do find a way to get help for him and he gets better.
June 12th, 2008 at 2:27 am
I am so, so sorry your Dad is going through this tough time. If I lived closer, I would step in and help you too. There is something seriously wrong with our nation and healthcare system!!! How in the world did that hospital think he could function at home, being so sick? When I had a stroke last year, the nurse wanted me to get up out of bed and go pee. I looked at her like she was effing nuts. Lady, I can’t walk….hello?? Earth calling Nurse Idiot!
I am bringing out the wet noodles…cause someone needs to be slapped!
(yes, we Portlanders slap idiots with wet noodles!)
Your Dad is in my prayers…I hope and pray for someone in the health system to open their ears and heart and listen…..really listen… to your concerns and needs.
You are all in my thoughts.
June 12th, 2008 at 4:53 am
(((((Janet)))))
I’m so sorry you and your family are going through this. I wish I knew something helpful to say, but I don’t. You’re in my thoughts.
June 12th, 2008 at 8:49 am
You and your dad are in my thoughts today. I’m lighting a candle for you.
This rant is a good thing. We should never be afraid to ask the universe for what we need. Keep asking. Keep watching for an answer.
June 12th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
What a sucky situation. :-/ I hope you can figure out a way to get some help. And I’m really glad we get to hang out soon.
June 12th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
Rant, rant, rant! It’s what we need to do to make someone hear us. I understand your frustration, sending you a great big virtual hug.
June 12th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
Hey, I also hope your pops feels better soon!
June 12th, 2008 at 6:15 pm
Wow, I’m really sorry to hear about this. I hate it when stuff like this happens because it’s clear how bad the medical system is, and how often people aren’t given all the care they *really* do need.
Let me know if you need to vent, or whatever.
June 12th, 2008 at 8:52 pm
I’m so sorry J! You are a very good daughter and your father is very lucky to have, but I’m sure he knows that! Keep your chin up.
June 13th, 2008 at 7:31 am
Oh Janet, it really is so hard to get any assistance unless you are absolutely diligent and in their face every day. We went through this when my Gran got brain cancer. I know it’s a really stressful time, but I’m confident that you will find a way through. You kick *ss and take names!
June 13th, 2008 at 10:42 am
Oh Janet…sometimes ranting about things save us from others. Rant on, love, rant on. And really…your rant is justified! I am apalled at some of the things I hear about health care….
I wish the best for your Dad…and for you and your brother…may the “perfect” solution come to you and your family soon!!!
June 14th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Oh, this sort of thing sucks and it’s so ridiculous and irresponsible of hospitals and the healthcare industry, in general, to allow this sort of thing to happen. You might check into caregiver support groups in your area — they can not only help with your own spirits, but may be able to point you towards resources to help out.
You and your brother and your dad will be in my thoughts… hang in there.