I’m going to share three written things with you:

a page from my Grandmother’s diary, the day she turned 18

a note from my father to me when I was 12 or 13

a note from an anonymous person, left on John Lennon’s memorial

Photohunt courtesy of TNChick

Tonight I was chatting with Michelle on gmail…this is our conversation:

me: i am SO FUCKING SICK of this fucking stoma
Michelle: the stoma? oh no what’s going on
me: just sick of it
Michelle: bubs I am sorry
me: i’m in a funk lol
Michelle: sigh stoopid stoma
me: everything sucks … it’s SO not like me
Michelle: I know what it is
me: what?
Michelle: it is the last year and a half catching up with you. I mean really catching up with you. You have overcome a lot – you have pushed yourself in bursts – hard bursts of energy and grabbed onto it (as you should) but you are still settling into the new – you – and what it all means – Dave accepted you unconditionally and now you just have to too – it takes time sister and I know it easier said than done – I don’t accept me so really I am in no position to tell you what you need to do
me: that might just be…it makes sense
Michelle: plus it is dark earlier – holidays are coming, you miss your parents – and as great as Dave is, adjusting to someone around ALL the time (the post honeymoon) is an adjustment even when it is good
me: makes me feel guilty lol
Michelle: nope don’t go there … every good relationship needs time to breathe. you need to adjust to the new you as you, not as you and Dave – give yourself a little credit
me: that’s a tough one, but i’ll try. i like what you had to say tho
Michelle: it is so true you went from loss of your dad – to cancer – to cancer – to holy scary – to OMG I am alive and Dave this awesome guy loves me
me: it kind of validates my feelings…i feel guilty for dwelling on it…”think of the good things” people say
Michelle: you never had any – “quiet / wow I survived / I have to adjust to my stoma” time. oh GOD I want to punch those people. THAT is exactly what I mean when I say I cant stand people who are all sunshine all the time. OF COURSE you are thankful for the good things. BUT we are all entitled to feel bad when we feel bad and honestly if we push it away it doesn’t go away – we have to feel it – acknowledge it for what it is and accept that it is OK – then move on
me: well then I’ll do my best. ironically, i was looking at facebook a bit ago and a friend had posted this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hqiVuKdOhr8&feature=player_embedded#
James Taylor – Angry Blues / The Twist
Sent at 9:00 PM on Monday
Michelle: Angry Blues
(James Taylor)

I can’t help it if I don’t feel so good
I can’t help it if I don’t feel so good
If I had my way
I’d be sitting on the top of the world

I can’t help it if I don’t feel so good
When the anger comes in him
There’s no place for a man to hide
When the anger comes in him
There’s no place for a man to hide
Would he do anything in the world

To make him feel better inside
When the anger comes in him
There’s no place for a man to hide
Gonna sit back here
Gonna watch this cloud roll by

The next time that you see me
I should be shining like the Fourth of July
Gonna sit back here
Gonna watch this cloud roll by

I ain’t lookin’ for details
Won’t you just give me a clue
Oh Lord what am I gonna do

Here’s last week’s picture:

And here’s what it was cropped from:

The mane of a carousel horse

Lea was spot on: “The mane of a carousel horse?“

Oops! It was actually Gina who was first: “Is it a carousel horse’s mane?” Sorry about that, Gina!

So…

What is it?

Unconscious Mutterings:

1. Emotional :: me, lately
2. Bite :: vampire
3. Get off my :: cloud
4. Heroic :: acts
5. Clothing :: warmth
6. Home :: hairy
7. Spelling :: bee
8. Attitude :: adjustment
9. Argument :: dislike
10. Satan :: Santa

Satan?

Here’s last week’s picture:

And here’s what it was cropped from:

A lovely Irish breakfast from the Keltic Kitchen Restaurant in Yarmouth, MA…SO delicious, and a great place, too

Colleen was second with the “b” word and closer to correct: “Oh, looks like breakfast or food off the grill.”

So…

What is it?

Also, I’d like to wish my cousin, Maribeth, the happiest of birthdays! She’s been a joy in my life and although a year younger, filled with more wisdom and kindness than I’ll ever possess!

Love you, cuz!